Drunk and in Love
by Gravity In the Air
Summary: AKA: how to pick up your true love in a bar


Regina grimaced as the burn of her caramel apple vodka shot slid down her throat. Henry was off at Nick's house for a sleepover and she hadn't particularly felt like drinking alone tonight. Normally she'd call Emma, but you can't call up the reason you're drinking and invite them to drink with you.

"I'm out of apple flavoured vodka, Madame Mayor. You'll have to pick something else."

The mayor glared at the bartender, Carl or Martin or something insignificant she didn't care about. She was so close to being drunk enough to return home and blackout, and that vodka had been surprisingly good. "A screwdriver with as little orange juice as possible."

Rolling his eyes and sighing, the bartender grabbed a bottle of vodka from the bottom shelf. As the glare from the mayor turned into a death stare, he put it back and reached for a bottle that would satisfy the queen. He was tempted to water down the drink, but the scrupulous amber gaze never left his hands until the drink was in front of her.

"I can't be in love with Emma. Do you know how preposterous that is?!" Regina groaned and took a sip of her drink before her head flopped down onto her arm resting on the bar.

"I dunno. Swan is pretty hot. You could do much worse." The man slipped away to call the sheriff while Regina got lost in whatever was going on in her head.

 _Meeting the eyes of her past, of the Evil Queen, and seeing so much seething hatred, Regina had never felt more confident that destroying her was the right decision. She heard Emma encouraging her to end the Queen now._

" _Destroy me? Ha! You don't have what it takes. You're weak without me, just a spitting kitten. Deep down you know, Regina, that you can't get rid of the darkness. You need me."_

" _No, she doesn't." Emma glared at the Evil Queen who was smirking madly before turning to Regina. "Whatever you decide, I support you. We support you." She glanced at Snow. "You're not her anymore. With or without her inside, you are Regina… just Regina."_

 _Regina sighed and looked between the woman who saw everything she was and still believed and the woman brimming with anger, hatred, and revenge. "I don't need you. I'm not that person anymore. I'm not you."_

 _They should have known it wouldn't be that simple to destroy the Evil Queen, that her words held more meaning than they thought. When Regina crushed the heart, it wasn't just the Queen who suffered. The Evil Queen may have dissolved to ash, but Regina also crumpled to the ground._

She hadn't told anyone else that her soul was trapped, hovering just above Emma and Snow rushing to her fallen body.

"Do you know what that idiot did? She just whips her heart out of her chest and shoves half of it into me. Emma could have died and left Henry an orphan."

The bartender glanced up from keeping an eye on the drunken mayor to see the blonde in question walk through the doors. "Sounds to me like an act of True Love. You're still sitting at my bar so…"

Regina angled her head so she could glare at him without lifting it from her arm. "It shouldn't have worked. It failed with her stupid pirate. She just sat there with a dopey, hopeful smile on her face. God she looked so cute, and I would have kissed her but Snow's face was a few inches away. Do you know she gets this little dimple when she's truly happy? Emma, not Snow. Ugh, she squealed in my ear and wouldn't let go of me, welcoming me to the family. I could have vomited."

Emma did her best not to laugh as she slid onto the stool next to the mayor. When Regina had gasped and drew in a lungful of air, Snow had all but pushed her out of the way to hug the woman. She wished Regina had stayed and talked to her, but she didn't blame her for fleeing the roof and remaining distant, silent, since coming back to Storybrooke.

"Rumple was no help, telling me how he created Emma to be my happiness, to help heal the reason I cast the curse. It was his way of saying sorry, but that scaly imp didn't even have the balls to tell me. He was all 'if sacrificing her soul to save you from darkness wasn't a sign that she loves you then I don't know what to tell you, Your Majesty.' Fucking imp."

"What can I getcha?"

"White Russian, and some coffee for her." Emma nodded at Regina, grateful the man didn't protest having to make a new pot.

Regina grumbled and downed half her glass, forgetting the potency of her drink. Coughing a few times, she scanned the bar until she located the bartender again. "Her stupid face haunts my dreams. Every time I close my eyes all I see is her stupid golden curls that shine in the sun. They'd look so nice spread out on my pillow, all tangled. And her eyes, those stupid, stupid eyes. You think they're green, but then they're blue n grey n gold. Can always feel when she's staring at me. She r'lly likes my skirtsss." Regina's words slowed down and she propped her elbow on the bar to hold her head up.

Emma felt her face flush, not daring to meet the man's eyes as he slid the drinks in front of her.

"Dunno why cuz her jeans'r literally painted on. I've seen her in just 'er underwear, but 'er pantsss…" Regina slurred out. "Wanna grab her ass 'n kiss her stupid pink lips. Or bite it n feel her squirm under me."

"What?!" Emma choked on the sip she'd just taken, spitting most of it on the counter She turned away to wipe her face, hoping Regina was drunk enough not to recognize the sound of her voice.

Regina's arm flopped down as her head lolled towards the woman next to her, unable to make out her specific features. "Not my… not my fault those stupid pants highlight her calves. Can jus tell her legs would be…. strong enough to hold her... up, wrapped around my waist. Why she wear clothes that hide her body when I jus wan'er…. to answer the stupid door in those stupid tank tops…. n those red panties. Red'sa good colour on her."

"Mmhm, sure thing." The bartender shot a mortified sheriff a smirk as he settled in to hear what else the mayor had to say.

"Ugh, even her insuff… surf… stupid charming charm is adorable on her. She's like a puppy, always following me around….. and always…. always.. loyal. When even He'ry no faith'n me, Emma n'er stupid yellow hair n'er stupid…. stupid dopey grin was always there for meee." Regina rolled her head to look at the woman next to her and whispered like she was telling a secret, "But she's more special than a puppy… those things'r every...where. She's a….. a un'corn, a puppy golden unicorn. Ugh….. I wish…. I could hate'er. Be so much easier….. Love is scary n confusin' n…. frus...trating." She managed to pick her head up and move her face within inches of the woman next to her. "Ha' you ever been'n love? Don't fall in love. They'll make you a... a bumbling idiot stuck in a bar at...now, while they're across town in their 'parment, not your bed. Stupid puppy golden unicorn."

Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing as she slid the coffee to her. "Drink that and then figure out if you want to tell her. It probably isn't as scary as you think. It sounds like she's equally in love with you."

Regina finished her screwdriver and then downed half her coffee before trying to get out of her chair, She wound up falling face first into Emma's lap. "Whoops. Yur lap's comfy." She rubbed her face against the flannel of Emma's blue plaid pajama pants before accepting help to her feet. "To my unicorn!"

Green eyes were wide, face nearly crimson as the patrons in the bar were all focused on them now. Before she could offer help home, Regina launched herself forward, kissing Emma on the lips, making the blonde sure the mayor realized who she was.

"Must find my puppy golden unicorn." Regina spun towards where she thought the door was before turning back to the bar and placing her finger over her lips in a shushing motion. "Shhhh! Don't tell Emma I did that."

Emma waited until Regina was stumbling for the door before handing the man her card. She couldn't meet his eyes as he slid a receipt to her to sign. "Thanks, Sam."

The man laughed as the blonde made to flee. "At least this time she wasn't dancing on the bar top."

"Shit." Emma's imagination ran wild with those images as she followed behind a stumbling, highly inebriated mayor.

Regina scrubbed at her face, trying to focus enough to make it to Emma's new apartment. She was glad the woman hadn't kept the house she'd wanted a family with the dirty pirate. It meant getting to her didn't involve trying to trek across town. There were a few near faceplants as she tripped over her own feet, but once she dropped her heels it was much easier to walk. "Stupi' bush," Regina grumbled as the rude shrub tried to attack her while trying to get to her unicorn.

Emma chuckled as Regina nearly fell into a bush trying to get her shoes off. She scooped them up and followed Regina until she made it up to the third floor of her building. She figured once Regina was in the correct hall that she could find her way to the apartment.

There were too many doors. What was Emma's apartment number again? Regina knew it wasn't the first door off the stairs so she stumbled and crashed into the next closest door. It was a struggle to raise her fist, but once she did, she didn't stop until the door was flung open. The scruffy man who answered definitely wasn't Emma.

"Sorry, Drew. I've got it from here." Emma had poofed into her apartment, leaving the shoes in the living room and waited. She couldn't help but laugh when Regina went to the wrong apartment and started shouting her name. Ignoring the people peering out their doors at them, Emma made her way to Regina.

"Puppy golden unicorn!" Regina beamed when Emma came into focus. She threw her arms around Emma's neck and fell into her. "You're pretty." Cupping Emma's face, she launched herself forward until their lips were crushed together.

Rolling her eyes, Emma hoisted the mayor back to her feet and guided her into her apartment. This was not something they needed an audience for. "You are so drunk."

Regina pouted and wrapped an arm around Emma's waist when the blonde went to move away. "I love you. Yur s'posed to kiss me."

"I love you too, but I'd rather you be sober before I kiss you." Emma walked Regina to her bedroom and helped the brunette crawl in.

"R' we gonna have intercourse now, Sugartits?" Regina rolled further towards the middle of the bed. "Cuzzz if we are, not naked enough."

Emma sighed and did her best to ignore Regina trying to remove her top. When she saw Regina's body, she wanted the brunette sober and aware of what they were doing. Using magic, she changed Regina into a pair of the mayor's silk pajamas. Once Regina was tucked under the covers, she went to grab a glass of water and aspirin.

Turning towards the blonde, Regina quickly grabbed Emma's wrist and pouted. "Don't go."

"I'm getting you some water. I'll be right back." She had to wake Regina up to take the pills and drink the glass of water. She was surprised Regina was a cuddly drunk when the mayor had all but climbed on top of her to sleep. "Dare you to tell me you're not a teddy bear."

 **SQSQSQSQ**

Regina groaned as the light poured into the room through the sides of the blackout curtains. Her body felt like it'd been hit by a truck and her head felt like a jackhammer convention was in town. Rolling over, she noticed a glass of water and two pills on the metal nightstand. Double-taking, she stared hard at the foreign piece of furniture trying to figure out where she was. Lifting the duvet, she sighed in relief that she was clothed.

"Drink the water. It'll help."

"Ahhhh!" Regina jumped as she screamed before lowering the duvet just under her eyes to confirm her suspicions. "Miss Swan!"

Emma smirked and rolled her eyes knowing Regina hadn't quite remembered what happened yet.

Regina reluctantly drank the water, eyes never leaving the blonde's. As her brain woke up, memories started flooding in. The smirk Emma was sporting now made sense. Groaning, she buried herself back under the duvet. "Kill me now."

"Don't be so dramatic. Apparently you didn't dance on the bar this time. Is there a video of that by the way?" Emma laughed as the duvet flipped down just under Regina's nose as she glared.

"No!" Regina had never been more embarrassed. Her night was fragmented, but she knew enough. "I can never leave my house again."

Emma grabbed the end of the duvet and slowly pulled it down. Regina had tried to stop her, but she was stronger. Once all her face was visible, Emma smiled warmly at her. "Let's talk about it."

"How about no, Snow Jr." Regina groaned again as she realized Snow would be hearing about her night soon. She froze when bits from arriving at Emma's apartment filtered through her consciousness. "Did you say you loved me?"

"Yup, and everyone in my apartment building and at the bar knows too." Emma frowned suddenly. "Did you really think I didn't?"

Regina sighed and tried in vain once more to pull the duvet up before pushing herself up against the headboard. She ran a hand through her hair, which she could only imagine looked delightful. "Just because we now share a heart it doesn't mean you wanted to be with me. Loving someone and intimate relationships are not mutually exclus-oh my god! I propositioned you last night."

Laughing, Emma nodded. "Your virtue is safe. All you've done n my bed is sleep off some of your hangover."

"How noble." Regina blanched as she took in what Emma was wearing. "I, you, you were there last night." Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing. "I kissed you. I said things about your ass, ugh like you need a bigger head." Raking a hand through her hair again, her eyes widened in horror. "I called you-"

"Puppy golden unicorn, yeah. Everyone heard that. At least sugartits was in private. Can't say I've ever been called that before. Where'd you even learn that name?" Emma shrugged before staring at the brunette. "I can totally work with it though. You said a lot of things last night, but mostly you called me stupid and cursed loving me. I also don't think anyone has ever made such a sexual rant about me. It was quite flattering."

Regina threw the pillow next to her at Emma's head. "Shut up! The internet said it was a pet name partners called each other. Why didn't you stop me?"

Emma shrugged. "You were being honest, and I wanted a chance to hear what you had to say. It's not like you'd have said any of this sober."

When Regina paled and looked positively green, Emma poofed them into the bathroom, holding her hair back. She gave the mayor an unopened toothbrush and pointed out where the toothpaste and mouthwash were before letting her have some privacy. Regina groaned and thought of never coming out of Emma's bathroom, or poofing home to become a recluse, but she was no coward. She was not weak. She found Emma sitting on her bed waiting with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Come on. I'll make you some pancakes and you can tell me about what Gold told you." Emma held out her hand and waited until Regina reluctantly grabbed it with her free hand.

The kitchen Regina vaguely remembered. Nursing her coffee, she slid into one of the chairs at the island. She was always surprised at Emma's modern, minimalist decor. She watched the blonde bustle around, grabbing pans and bowls. She didn't expect much from Emma's cooking, just hoped it didn't kill her.

Once Emma had two large stacks of bacon chocolate chip pancakes and a mug of coffee for herself, she joined Regina at the island. She chuckled at Regina's grimace and skepticism at her breakfast. "Don't knock it. These got me through many a drunken morning. It doesn't sound good, but it's one of the best things I've unintentionally made."

"Figures this came from a kitchen accident. At least it's not cereal." Regina poked her fork at the syrup drenched mess, her lip curling at the thought of eating it, but it was either talk or eat, and her stomach was painfully empty.

Emma beamed when Regina moaned after finally taking a bite. It didn't take long for the brunette to devour her plate and offer to finish Emma's. "Told you. Want more coffee?"

Regina watched the blonde busy herself rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. She was embarrassed and terrified about her behaviour, but she focused on the fact Emma said she loved her too. "I went to Gold's shop to demand answers."

"I know." Emma turned and leant back against her kitchen counter, smiling gently at Regina and waiting for her to continue.

"When your parents gave him your name, he didn't just make you the savior. He used the information and the true love in you to turn you into my happiness, someone to love to counter the reasons I cast the curse. He made you my failsafe."

Emma shrugged, staring at the woman intently studying her cold coffee. "Okay. You obviously needed love and happiness, and he was trying to make up for screwing you over. I've tried other relationships. You've tried. Whatever the cause, I love you. We obviously didn't start out that way. If you don't want to be with me that's fine. I'm sure this is my choice though, and I choose you."

Regina snapped her gaze up to search bright emerald eyes, searching for a lie or any hint that this wasn't real. "How?"

"You're the mother to my son. You're my best friend. I may have wanted to kiss you since first offered me cider. You respected my choice to be with Hook while not being afraid to tell me how you felt. You've been the only one who supports my magic. As much as you say I'm loyal and supportive of you, you've done the same for me. I know you, Regina. I have met you at your worst. I have met the mayor and seen the girl before she was queen. I am glad Rumple made me your happiness. You deserve your happy ending more than anyone."

Tears started pouring down her face without permission as Regina stared at Emma. She was positive this was a dream until Emma brought her to the couch and pulled her into her lap. Emma was safe. Emma was warm. Emma was home. Wrapping her arms tightly around the blonde, she buried her face in Emma's neck. "Be with me?"

"I thought I already was your puppy golden unicorn." Emma laughed as Regina pulled back to glare at her as she swatted her arm.

"Don't push it, Sugartits." Regina flopped her head back down and relished the peace that washed over her as the two halves of their heart synced up.

"Whatever you say, koala." Emma hid her smirk in Regina's hair as she leaned down to kiss the top of her head. She waited a few minutes before speaking again. "So…. when you taking me on a date?"

Regina pulled back to look at Emma smiling that stupid dopey smile at her. "Why am I taking _you_ on a date? Shouldn't you be taking me on one?"

Emma shrugged. "Well, I did give you my heart, literally."

Regina sighed and inhaled Emma's scent. "Doesn't me confessing my love for you to the entire town mean _you_ should be the one taking _me_ out?"

"I paid your bar tab." Emma bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing as Regina sighed and refused to say anything. She waited until she felt Regina's breathing even out before softly singing. "Drunk and in loooooove."

"Miss Swan!" Regina turned her head and lightly bit at Emma's clavicle.

Full out laughing now, Emma pulled Regina further into her body. "That's so not what you said you wanted to bite last night."

Regina groaned, burying her face further into Emma. "I'm never going to live this down am I?"

"Nope, but you're such an adorable drunk. Remind me I need to see you dancing on a bar in the near future."


End file.
